Idiots Guide: Wackiest GOP Politicians…Ever.

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It’s no secret that the Republican party, for better or worse, has some of the most outlandish characters the political landscape has ever seen. It’s a veritable treasure trove of lunacy. Never more true than in recent years. The following list highlights some of the more strangely bizarre folks the GOP has ever seen.

#10. Rep. Michelle Bachman (MN) / Diagnosis: Religious Delusion

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Michelle Bachman is famous for saying things like this: “I don’t know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We’ve had an earthquake; we’ve had a hurricane. He said, ‘Are you going to start listening to me here?” True story. She also suffers from delusions of ‘Sharia Law’ being secretly implemented in the United States, and her husband runs a ‘Pray the Gay Away’ church group type thing…

#9. Sheriff Joe Arpaio (AZ) / Diagnosis: Contemptible Racist 

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Sheriff Joe Arpaio is for lack of a better term…An A**hole. He is notorious for promoting the racial profiling of Mexicans in his county. In addition, he has routinely humiliated jail prisoners, to the extent of making them wear pink underwear. A 9th Circuit Judge finally stopped this degrading practice, citing that there is no legal justification for it. True Story. There is more depravity in his jacket, not enough space.

#8. ‘Gov.’ Sarah Palin (AK) / Diagnosis: Vapid Political Charlatan 

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The fact that this woman was almost a heartbeat away from being the most powerful human being on earth, is the stuff of nightmares. Sarah Palin has shown herself to be shallow, petulant, and severely uninformed in matters of geo-political importance. Luckily for America she is now audaciously walking the ‘Reality TV’ path leading to eventual obscurity. Her book is the epitome of ‘light reading’.

#7. Rep. Steve King (IA) / Diagnosis:  Irrational Fear of Mexicans

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“For every illegal immigrant who’s a valedictorian, there’s another 100 out there who weigh 130 pounds, and they’ve got calves the size of cantaloupes because they’re hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert.” Rep. Steve King ladies and gentlemen. True Story. Steve King is one of those politicians who winds up on the wrong side of every issue of consequence. He seems destined to be a textbook case of historical villain.

#6. Senator Ted Cruz (TX) / Diagnosis: Hypocritical Mind Manipulator

Prominent Republicans Address The Republican Jewish Coalition Spring Meeting
Senator Ted Cruz

 

What can be said about Sen. Ted Cruz? We could start with the fact that he is an immigrant himself (Canada), yet he endorses some of the worst solutions ever proposed on immigration. He is also responsible for the 16 day government shut down of 2013 which costs the country $24 billion dollars. Sweet deal for a politically useless maneuver. It’s difficult to discern the worst of Ted’s character flaws. Is it his delusional hubris? Or the fabrications he uses to support it?  What happens when the ignoramus in the room, proclaims to be the smartest? Ted Cruz happens.  #Toolbox 

#5. Rep. Michael Grimm (NY) / Diagnosis: Felonious Tax Evasion, Anger

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Michael Grimm perfectly exemplified the ‘bloodsport’ that politics can be by threatening to throw a reporter over the rotunda balcony in the Capitol building, and to ‘break him like a little boy’. There is also the fact that he is now a felon, having been convicted of tax fraud in 2014 and sentenced to serve 8 months in the hoosegow. It is likely that those ‘little boy’ comments may become ironically regrettable in ways he failed to imagine.

#4. Gov. Rick Perry (Texas) / Diagnosis: Severe I.Q. Deficiency

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It’s almost unfair to poke fun at Mr. Perry and his antics, as he is admittedly a charming man. However, he is notorious for putting his foot in his mouth with the things he says, and at very unfortunate times, for the things he simply forgets to say. Like not knowing the names of the government agencies that he wants to ‘get rid of’. At times a walking ‘blooper reel’, he also presided over the state with the lowest high school graduation rate, along with the highest number of minimum wage jobs. Worse still, the state that puts more people to death than any other in the union, by far. Human life is precious, until birth, then that life becomes execution eligible. Usually right about the time of dropping out of school.

#3. State Rep. Gordon Klingenschmitt (CO) / Diagnosis: Gay Exorcist

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This is a man who has had zero compunction about insulting the entire religion of Islam and it’s followers. Mr. Klingenschmitt has been quoted calling Allah a “false god” and Muhammed a “false prophet”. This in addition to comparing Islam to Satanism. Facts be damned. However, his true claim to infamy is his assertion that he can ‘Pray the Gay’ away. Through exorcism. He has reportedly bragged about performing a ‘gay exorcism’ in an effort to rid a woman of “the foul spirit of lesbianism”.   As you may have guessed, it’s a true story. In addition to his supernatural psychic abilities, Gordon has been quoted claiming that ‘ObamaCare’ causes Cancer. Also a very true, and ridiculous story. The good news is that he is only a State Senator, and not working on Capitol Hill. Gordon is a wacky dude, bordering on scary if anyone takes him seriously.

 

#2. Rep. Louie Gohmert (TX)  / Diagnosis: Paranoid Fear Mongering

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Louie Gohmert says a lot of things, most of them border on the absurd, and far too many of them cross the line of reality, into paranoid delusion. For some reason, known only to Gohmert, he believes that the federal government has been infiltrated by covert radical islamists His paranoia is not limited to a damaged sense of xenophobia. He also claims that Caribou need the warmth of an oil pipeline in order to procreate. Not satisfied? How about his claims that there are terrorist organizations concocting schemes to send their pregnant ‘Black Widows’ across our American borders, in an effort to spawn natural-born terrorists. I don’t use the term ‘paranoid’ lightly. In this case, it’s clearly merited.

#1. Donald Trump (NY) / Diagnosis: Delusional Carnival Barker

Republican Presidential candidate Trump reacts as he speaks at the 2015 FreedomFest in Las Vegas
Republican Presidential Candidate Donald Trump

Oh, the Donald. What can we say about the Donald? In truth, he is a phenomenon of nature. It’s also true that the American political landscape has never seen a presidential candidate who has been so blatantly crude, and acerbic. In a profession where being careful what statements you make, and who not to offend, Mr. Trump has taken the exact opposite tact. He offends people with a vengeance. He also redefines what it is to have a thin skin. At times he behaves like a petulant child. The real surprise is that it’s working for him, especially with the ‘low information’ crowd, who inexplicably seem to worship him. The number one Republican weirdo personality with a bullet. Donald Trump.